Off on the wrong foot

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Well geez, I’m embarrassed to say that we are approaching the midpoint of the year, and I’m doing a pretty lousy job on some of my earlier stated goals for this year.  The specifics of why I haven’t lived up to my goals are relatively unimportant, what’s important is that I failed to make daily choices that supported some of those goals, and it’s left me where I am.  A bit frustrated, a bit heavier than I’d like, lacking the fitness I envisioned having at this time of year, etc.  On the plus side, I am very happy with how Ethan has continued to integrate into the family.  We are just past the year mark since we had our family day, and I’m really happy to be at a point where it feels that he has always been here.  Being a Dad is an incredible experience and I’m grateful for it each and everyday.

The downside to all the awesomeness of being a parent is that it’s hard and it’s time consuming.  Added to the previous demands of my life it creates an environment that is a breeding ground for stress, which I’ve let myself be a victim to.  Rather than manage the stress by focusing on the critical path – I let myself spend a lot of time getting distracted with activities in my life that didn’t contribute to the success I wanted in the areas I wanted.  Though I did manage to accomplish some pretty sweet upgrades to my home storage environment, and home media center setup.  Making choices like – “I’m going to stay up until 2 am working on this computer deal” doesn’t jive well with the alarm going off at 4:30 am to go get on the bike trainer.  The end result is some combination of: I get up and have a sucky workout; I get sick; I sleep in.  Previously (before Ethan) staying up late for non-essential distractions was cancelled out by sleeping in and doing my workouts after work.

In hindsight, I ponder how I managed to not get so distracted last year.  Perhaps I just did a better job of compartmentalizing and prioritizing things, or I simply had a lot of motivation to prove that “I could do it” despite being having a kid, and now that burn has subsided a bit and reality has set in.  Matt once told me something along the lines of “When life is great, you’ve got nothing to run from or prove.  That’s when it’s hardest to be a driven person.”  It’s not a direct quote, but the meaning is clear.

No matter the exact reason, it’s time to pause for a moment, take a look around and then move forward making choices that will get me where I want to go regardless of if it’s family, work, triathlon, or something else.