What are you thinking? Are you crazy? Black bikes have souls, lots of them, they sucked all the souls from ugly green, red, blue, and other clolr[sic] bikes. A black bike says don’t f*ck with this guy. It’s like having the worst of Satan and the best of Jesus in one bike. You suck the life from other rides and it goes into your legs, giving you more watts and taking watts from them. At Soma I rolled up on a guy on a blue bike that is from a highly esteemed maker. he said you are having a nice ride (I started 3 min behind him) I pointed at my Lucero – the badest badass bike out there and said “This bike gives me the power to crush you, take your energy and leave you twisting in the wind. You have nothing left for this race. BE GONE.” He finished several minutes behind me. A black bike is so bad ass that no one, not one single person tried to pass me in my last 3 races during the bike, well one tried but only b/c his bike was black and blue but he son succumbed to the rolling fury that my bike is. This is the power a black bike brings. Sure you could ride something cute and covered with flowers, maybe a bell or streamers on the handlebars, some color coordinated handlebar tape and/or a seat. You could try to ride fast, the kind of fast a yugo gets when going down a hill with the parking brake on. You could try to pass someone “excuse me, but person in my AG could you please move right just a touch so I can squeeze around you, please?” Or you could ride death, something to strike fear into the hearts and minds of those around you. 18.1 pounds of rolling fury, the sound of the disc (black of course) rotating around exuding power combined with the sound of the H3C (black again) screaming down the road. The sound of a 1000 anguished souls coupled with the roar of the mightest creator laughing at the terror before you. Where a simple phrase “on your left” and the sound of fury and hell moves people over into the gutter. Or you can ride cute and polite. You choose, badass or ass bad.

-Brian Stover, aka desert dude

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